• Watch a Friends marathon.
• Spend a weekend at a Global Warming Awareness retreat.
• Have all my teeth pulled with nothing to numb the pain except a bottle of Boone’s Farm.
• Swear off quality bourbon for life.
• Kick a bison in the nuts and skip away.
• Turn myself into a eunuch.
• Learn how to spell eunuch.
• Win tickets to a private Barry Manilow concert.

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