- Watch a Friends marathon.
- Spend a weekend at a Global Warming Awareness retreat.
- Have all my teeth pulled with nothing to numb the pain except a bottle of Boone’s Farm.
- Swear off quality bourbon for life.
- Kick a bison in the nuts and skip away.
- Turn myself into a eunuch.
- Learn how to spell eunuch.
- Win tickets to a private Barry Manilow concert.