• Watch a Friends marathon.
  • Spend a weekend at a Global Warming Awareness retreat.
  • Have all my teeth pulled with nothing to numb the pain except a bottle of Boone’s Farm.
  • Swear off quality bourbon for life.
  • Kick a bison in the nuts and skip away.
  • Turn myself into a eunuch.
  • Learn how to spell eunuch.
  • Win tickets to a private Barry Manilow concert.

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