1. Nixon. All of that horrible misunderstanding could have been cleared up right away had email been invented in the 70s. Under no circumstances are any of my people to go near that Watergate hotel…Milhousinthewhitehouse@yahoo.com
  2. John Wilkes Booth. I know there were witnesses but hell, does that even matter in a divided country? I’m so excited to meet our president tonight. I love that man…I’mayankeenow@aol.com
  3. Ted Kaczynski. It’s got to sting a little to know you’re in prison because your brother called the police, but what if…I sure am glad that I always have those nice folks at the post office wrap my boxes after they thoroughly check the contents to make sure I’m not breaking any rules…teddyk@gmail.com
  4. Lee Harvey Oswald. If only this guy had an email account because I’m just not sure this dude is the dude….prez in town today but I’m just chillin at home with a horrible case of diarrhea…commiesarekool@bellsouth.net
  5. Susan Rice. This girl was determined to cross every I and dot every T, everybody knows that…well they do now…I’m just emailing myself to remind myself that I myself would never break any laws, and I love laws and how people always follow laws. I also appreciate my honesty and love of laws…HonestSusanRice@netscape.org.

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