1. Claim he heard about it on the news, just like everybody else.
  2. Go to bed early and wash his hands of the whole thing.
  3. Claim the CDC acted stupidly and call for a beer summit.
  4. Blame it on a YouTube video and claim the deaths were spontaneous.
  5. Secretly tell China that he will have more lead way in fighting the virus after the election.
  6. Tell Americans that viruses have consequences.
  7. Claim he inherited the virus from the Bush administration.
  8. Apologize to the rest of the world for this whole mess.
  9. Send China $150 billion in cash if they will agree to share their fortune cookie recipe.
  10. Proclaim that social distancing is racist.

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