I am almost ready to let this year go, but I think it will burden my mind far into the coming year. I hope to move on and am eager to do so. I have heard it said that what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger, and maybe it can… I don’t know. What I do know is that whether it makes you stronger or not, it definitely changes you.

Everyone in my family is dealing with the death of my oldest sister differently. Grief is so unpredictable, and taps you on the shoulder to remind you that it’s still tagging along at the damnedest times imaginable. And if I’m not busy picking the scab, another is eagerly doing so. I had no idea it would hurt this bad or this long, and I’m tired of being morbid. So why don’t I just move on? I can’t.

I guess that’s what grief is. I guess that’s what grief does. We are about halfway through a year of birthdays,holidays, anniversaries, and other events that were missing someone special, and maybe it will be easier after the first year. Only time will tell. I don’t want to forget and I don’t think that’s possible, but I do want to manage my emotions better. So I guess if I can manage that, then I will indeed come out of this stronger.

ws