So maybe you’ve been having an affair with this awesome political party that has promised you everything from Obama phones to free healthcare, and on and on, and life is good and you couldn’t be happier. Then you wake up one morning and just like in Fatal Attraction, with Glenn Close standing over you, you realize… ain’t nothing free. She won’t even let me order my own food and Antifa scares me… who is this “me too”you are making me sleep with? You are smothering me and I can’t get out… You deserve each other, but we all make mistakes,right? So you are most likely asking…

What now? Here are a few ideas that just may keep you from ending up in the bathroom,fighting for your life.

1. Tell them you have read every Ayn Rand book, and you especially love Atlas Shrugged. This seems to work like kryptonite, or garlic, or a silver bullit, but be prepared for uncontrollable hissing as they back away.
2. Tell them that all lives matter. Do not try this alone unless you are ready to find out that they probably disagree.
3. Say something like… TAYLOR SWIFT CAN’T SING FOR SHIT, and now she’s a political expert? I’m craving some feedback on that one!
4. Go buy yourself an AR-15, MAGA hat and some work boots. Trust me, it will be over, but just for fun, a pickup truck and a chainsaw couldn’t hurt.
5. If you are a minority, none of this will work, but the good news is that if you can break away from these plantation owners, it is a big beautiful world out there, and we have loved you all along, and we welcome you with open arms. But honestly, most of us aren’t crazy about Kanye’s music… I like Ice Cube.

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