Fresh off my decision to retire last year, I guess I need to confess. I started 2016 with only one goal, sell our house. Nothing more, but not this year. This year will be different. I have been challenged by MTV to become a better person and what could be more noble than an honest effort at bettering myself? On one hand, I believe that without a plan, one year from now, I am likely to be one year older and not much else will have changed, but what if my plan is for nothing to change? How about that one? I think I have become lazy. So, if this resolution is going to work for me, its going to need to be realistic and there must be room for naps, Thank you AT&T for teaching me the value of a siesta. As long as I can work within these perimeters, I think I will be ready to give this thing a real effort. And no broken bones. I really don’t want to be laid up nursing a broken leg, broken anything really. When you come right down to it, I don’t think resolutions work at all unless they come from a heart that has done quite a bit of soul searching and is ready to, after much looking inward, seeing a dire need for change, is genuinely sick of where they are and where they are heading. So this resolution is doomed for failure because I can no longer concentrate long enough for any significant amount of searching of any kind. My main set of keys have been gone for so long now that I’m pretty sure they are just hiding. And to be honest, I kind of like where I’m at.Why can’t there be resolutions for people over sixty? How about a list like that? I want to keep my teeth for another year. OK, that is an honest start. I cannot control my weight anymore, so I guess any list would include walking more and eating less. So let me try to put all this together.

Make a plan
Take naps.
Don’t break anything.
Find my keys.
Keep my teeth.
Eat more.

We both know that I changed my list and that brings me to my next point. Be flexible. And don’t give up. For example, if you decide to lose weight and exercise more, and we know that this is a big January wish or there wouldn’t be so many gyms with 10 people in them in March, and by the way,why do gyms only sell yearly memberships? I just lost where I was going with this. The best thing I have found for my expanding midsection is bib overhauls. I don’t know what that has to do with new years resolutions but some of you will thank me in March when you realize how much money I have saved you with three pair of bibs.

Something else I plan on for 2017 is focusing less on politics. I am sitting at my keyboard, in my sun room and I swear that I just heard a loud cheer. Honestly, I’m a pretty nice guy if you don’t have your hand in my pocket so you can now unblock me and I will be better. I plan on acknowledging the Creator of the universe more and I want to be kinder to others but I swear some people make it hard when they have their family reunions in the bread aisle at Walmart and while we are on it, you do know green means go, am I right? I am already having second thoughts on this” less politics” thing. I hate second guessing myself. So here I am, standing at the threshold of a new year, a new chance at a better Wayne. My advice to you is to not be so hard on yourself. Unless you’re a politician or someone of that sort, you are probably a fairly nice person already so why would you want to change that? You, like me, just want to tweak a few things, so go ahead and make your list. Here is mine.

Take naps.
Don’t break anything.
Find my keys.
Keep my teeth.
Keep the weight down.
Worry less about what is going on in Washington.
Be kinder
Love my family more.
Praise God more.
Ride way more.